I'm 4...and already smarter than my mom

Sunda is hilarious.

On Sunday, Jake and Kya were napping and Sunda was watching a cartoon. I sat down on the couch to put my feet up and flip through a magazine. Sunda saw me sit down and immediately said, "Mama, can you read this book to me?" If you're not a mom, you can't imagine the range of thoughts that go through your head at this moment. The first reaction is: "Awwww, man...I just sat down." The second is, "Of course I will, because I am terrible if I don't." Somewhere down the line is, "You know what? It's not going to kill her to continue doing what she was doing for a few minutes while I flip through this magazine and shut off my brain. We'll read it tonight before bedtime." Eventually, that's pretty much what I told her. I must've used the words, "I'm just going to relax for a few minutes." Great idea, but not right now. Mommy needs a few minutes. "Fine." She conceded.

Not five minutes later, Sunda asked me for some juice. Usually, she can manage to pour it for herself. So, still attempting to remain on the couch for as long as possible, I said to her, "Why don't you get it yourself? You can even pour some for Mommy too." "No Mama," she said. "That's a good idea, but I can't get it right now, because I just need to chillax for a few minutes." Touche. Punk. ;)

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Amazing that she has picked up so many of my habits. I notice that our relationship works very similarly to any other kind of relationship. When I drop what I'm doing and pay attention to her, she drops what she's doing and pays attention to me. If I answer her the first time she calls my name, she answers me the first time I call her name. I am not advocating some kind of liberal parenting style that says that we should be friends to our kids first and foremost. No ma'am. I still believe fully that I am in charge, and that what I say goes. But mutual respect goes a long way too.

Yesterday Sunda "helped" her Daddy fix the truck in the warehouse. She came back to the house filthy. Before I could turn around she was on the bed, cuddling and cooing Kya. I said, "Sunda, did you wash your hands?!" She looked up at me all like, "you are so slow."

S: "I washed my hands with soap, and I took off my pants so I didn't get your bed dirty."

Oh great, of course you did.

M: "By the way, Sunda, do you know where the diaper cream is? I can't seem to find it."

S: "Yes Mommy, I've seen it, here, I'll show you." (She went right to it and pulled it from an obscure place in Kya's shelves of clothes. Okay, so she probably put it there in the first place.)


I can't wait for her to show her little sister how to be as helpful and delightful as she is. :)

Walking with the Lions

We have had such a blast with “Nene and Pappy Schwertfeger.” It truly is a gigantic blessing to be able to share our lives here with some of our dear family. I’m sure that our family and friends have spent the last four years wondering, “What in the world is it like where they live?" Finally, some of those questions have been answered!

I am always telling people what it’s NOT like where we live. “No, we don’t live in a mud hut.” “No, we don’t eat elephant stew for dinner.” “No, we don’t walk around with the lions and cheetahs.” Well, it turns out I have been proven false on that last one…

Yesterday, Jacob, Sunda, Nene, and Pappy headed to Chief Mukuni’s “Lion Park.” We had heard about it before and knew that it was a big tourist attraction. We also thought that it would be kinda lame and pretty expensive. So we ultimately marked it off of our “to-do” list. But yesterday, because of Overland’s good relationship with the Chief, some of the guys thought that maybe we could get into the park at a reduced rate. I stayed home with Kya (who wasn’t at the top of her game after a looonnnggg Easter Sunday), and the rest of the family took off to see the lion park!

Unfortunately, the park staff refused Jake and the crew the reduced rate we thought would be in order. Jake and Jack (a co-worker of ours) argued and argued. Nothin’ doin’. So, gutsy man that he is, Jack decided to walk over to the Chief’s “palace” to see if he was home and would personally grant permission for free entrance. It turns out that the Chief himself was on his way to visit his own park and not only let everyone in for free…but took the tour with them!

My 4-year-old stood very close to a pack of lions who were lunging at the fence (she was, obviously, on the other SIDE of the fence.) She was terrified, and was convinced by her Daddy to get a picture near them…practically strangling Jake while the pics were being taken.

My husband, who has always loved cheetahs, got to PET a cheetah. Yes, friends. This is not your typical, heavily insured zoo. This is a park that lets you pet the lions and cheetahs (for a fee.) And if you get eaten, then, well, you got too close!

The Chief generously extended an invitation to all Overland staff this weekend. He offered the option of either taking the “elephant safari” (you get to ride an elephant!) Or “walking with the lions”, literally going in the lion’s cages and petting them. Jake said that I could go with some friends on Sunday and that he would stay with the girls. I’m afraid the activity choice isn’t up to me though, as Jake’s offer was posed like this, “Why don’t you go on Sunday? If you want to ride an elephant, that is. There’s NO WAY I’m letting you go in with the lions. Sorry.” Don’t worry, hubby, I don’t have a big desire to pet Mufasa anyway.

My Saving Grace

I have to say, getting used to the busyness of two children has been an adjustment, but Kya herself has not really been much of a challenge at all. I was really prepared for and expecting the worst, according to some of the horror stories I’d heard about hormones, sleepless nights, and difficult feeding. But, God has given us so much grace and I feel like, more than anything, I’m hitting a stride.

However, it wasn’t always like that. I’ve put off writing about this for a long time, but it’s appropriate now, I think. One of these days my thoughts won’t be so extremely sentimental, but for now they are. That’s just how it is 
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There’s a book that we regularly read to Sunda called, You Are My I Love You by Maryann K. Cusimano.

These are my favorite lines:
I am your parent; you are my child.
I am your quiet place; you are my wild.
I am your calm face; you are my giggle.
I am your wait; you are my wiggle.
…
I am your way home; you are my new path.
I am your dry towel; you are my wet bath.
I am your dinner; you are my chocolate cake.
I am your bedtime; you are my wide awake.
I am your finish line; you are my race.
I am your praying hands; you are my saying grace.
I am your lullaby; you are my peekaboo.
I am your good-night kiss; you are my I love you.

Just after we moved to Overland Missions and started 3 months of intensive missions training, Jake took a short trip home to the States. I was on my own for three weeks working full time as an AMT student, taking care of Sunda, and getting used to living in a tent. It was the first time I’d been left alone with my daughter for such a long stretch, and I was more than a little intimidated.

You see, it took me a little while to get used to being a mom. And at that point, I wasn’t sure that I was that great at it. It was a decision for me. Every day was a walk of faith, a process of trusting the Lord, hoping that at some point I’d feel like the mom that I so desperately wanted to be.

One evening, after a long day of lectures, I picked up You Are My I Love You to read to Sunda as I put her to bed. We’d read it many times before and I was always struck by the meaning in the words, even though I wasn’t sure I fully comprehended them myself.

I said this line aloud: “I am your finish line; you are my race. I am your praying hands; you are my saying grace.” For some reason, my tongue slipped. Instead of “saying grace,” I said, “you are saving grace.” I broke down. The truth of those words struck me so suddenly. Sunda was then and continues to be my saving grace. She has brought me out of selfishness and pride and taught me how to walk in humility. She has helped me to understand love as an everyday decision that, once walked out, becomes feeling. Because she’s very strong-willed and not at all fragile, she’s given me grace to learn how to be a mom to her. She continues to smile with me, laugh at me, present arguments to me, and rain love down on me in spite of my shortcomings.

Since Kya’s been born, Sunda has grown up before my eyes. She understands things I’ve never taught her and has a backbone I’m striving for. The other day, when I let the tears run down my face just out of exhaustion, she rubbed my back and said, “Mommy, when you’re sad and you cry, you have to ask Jesus to help you. And then you have to stop crying. Let’s go make some cookies.” Good idea, Sunda.

I’m so grateful for my creative helper. My strong-willed fire ball. My first born who has really taught me that being a mom has very little to do with giving birth. Thanks, baby girl. Sorry…BIG girl.

Things I Know...

...That I can't be THAT African. I heard a big truck drive onto the property early this morning and thought, "Oops, better get the trash out...must be garbage day."

(Just FYI: We burn all of our trash in an incinerator. There are no garbage trucks in Zambia.)

...That one of my favorite parts of the day is cleaning up the house after the girls are asleep. It's just so satisfying to pick up baby dolls and binkies and tea party remains and burp cloths. And know that it all starts again tomorrow.

Does that make me weird?

...That if you go to bed late because you were watching a movie, the Universe will conspire against you to make sure that both of your children cry all night long. You should've gone to bed earlier.

...That if I can shower, feed everyone, and not have poopie diapers laying around the house by 10am...I'm doing pretty darn good. (Okay, so far, I've only gotten to 10:30..I'm getting there.)

...That my standards of productivity have changed dramatically. But somehow I feel like I'm getting more done now than ever.

...That newborns don't understand the importance of updating your blog. Sorry.

Birth Announcement

Kya Grace Schwertfeger was born at 6pm on January 23, 2010

She was 2.79 kg and 50 centimeters long at birth. (Or, 6 lbs 1 oz. and 20 inches, for us metric illiterate Americans.) (Myself included.)

Mother and Baby Kya were very happy and healthy after a normal birth, even considering a loooonnnggg two days in labor. She was worth it!

This is Kya about 3 hours after birth:



THIS is Kya about 10 hours after birth:



Why is my baby canary yellow? That’s what I was asking at 6 o’clock in the morning! It turns out that Kya was affected with a fairly rare form of jaundice called “newborn blood incompatibility jaundice”, caused by a mom who has O+ blood and a dad who has A+ blood. When the baby gets the dad’s (A +) blood type, there is a clash of antibodies in the birth canal that causes the baby to become jaundiced very quickly after birth. That is why Kya was yellow, and that is why we were rushed to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit when she was about 12 hours old.

Fortunately, I was able to stay in the unit in order to feed Kya. She spent 2 full days on what is called a “Billi-bed”, which is an incubator with a special light that treats jaundice. She also received two intravenous doses of a special antibody that destroyed the jaundice in her system. We weren’t allowed to take her out of the bed to hold her or even feed her. I expressed milk into a bottle and then stuck my hands into the incubator to give it to her.

After two days in Intensive Care, we were released to go home because Kya had improved so dramatically. Her “biliruben”, which is the number that indicates the severity of jaundice, was practically normal. We were allowed to take her home as long as we continued to keep her on the lighted bed, which we rented from the hospital. For the first two days she was home, I was allowed to take her off the bed to feed her, but had to place her directly back on it to receive the light therapy. There was a 6 day lapse between the first time that Jacob got to hold his baby girl (Saturday, when she was born) and the second time (Friday, when she came off the bilibed.) You can imagine he wasn’t thrilled with THAT arrangement. And I think (besides the worry) that is the hardest part of having a baby with jaundice. Not being able to hold and love on this brand new, amazing child!

The potential effects of severe jaundice are serious and scary. An extremely high biliruben can cause extensive brain damage and harmful seizures. Treatment is usually blood exchange therapy, which is a traumatizing procedure consisting of multiple blood transfusions. We are so grateful to have been cared for the way we were. The medical staff was excellent. Kya’s jaundice was caught early and treated quickly. And although it WAS very serious, she will suffer no damaging effects.

Jacob and I’s future children are at risk for the same problem. Anytime that you have a combination of the blood types that we do (Mom is O+, Dad is A+, baby is A+) you have a potential for blood incompatibility jaundice. It is fairly rare and has variables other than the ones I’ve mentioned here, but it is a real possibility. It’s also easily avoidable. The baby can be tested at birth for high biliruben levels (as any future children born to Jacob and I will.)

I wish we would’ve known we were at risk. But I know that there are thousands of other things that could be a problem and could be tested for at birth. You just can’t prevent everything.

It was definitely a learning experience.

Lesson #1: To be an advocate for myself (and my family) and trust my own instincts. If I hadn’t mentioned something to the nurse it could’ve been hours before my midwife did her rounds and discovered Kya’s jaundice.

Lesson #2: To stand on what I KNOW to be true, even in the face of uncertainty. God is good and faithful and has our joys and tragedies at the forefront of His heart. He protects us, heals us, and comforts us, regardless of the circumstance. And He works everything together for HIS glory.

We spent 3 weeks in Johannesburg after Kya was born, and we have been back in Zambia for 2 weeks now. My mom has been with us for the last 2 weeks and it has been a pleasure and a blessing to have her company (and HELP.) Who knew that you needed your mother the most right at the exact time that you are mothering the most?

I wish you could be here to cuddle and kiss Miss Kya. She is an absolute treasure and we are thrilled to be a family of four. And just to assure you that she is no longer 6 pounds OR yellow:

Kya at 5 weeks on February 27 (9 lbs. 1 oz and rosy pink!):