Saturday, February 14, 2009
10 Easy Steps-Day 6
How to go about killing a spitting cobra: (most information acquired courtesy of the “snake hunter”, Jake Schwertfeger)
#1) Train your 3-year-old to tell you when she sees snakes by saying, “Daddy, there’s a snake there. Go kill it.”
#2) Tell Paul, who is about to walk into the snake’s path, to go the other way.
#3) Run the 3-year-old to safety with mom, who continues making the bed, but stops to say, “If you’re gonna kill a cobra, at least wear something over your eyes.”
#4) put on plastic Nerf goggles from Sunda’s new toy guns to avoid painful and unnecessary trauma when the spitting cobra aims for your eyes.
#5) Find the biggest rock in the near vicinity.
#6) Back the now angry snake into one of the outdoor bathroom stalls and prepare for the kill.
#7) Use your Little League skills to beam the snake (preferably near the head).
#8) Once the snake is appropriately injured gets close enough to hack off its head with a machete.
#9) Come and show your wife and daughter the headless, still moving, snake.
#10) Get pictures (for the blog, of course).
#11) Don’t let the dogs eat the snake. It just doesn’t seem like a good idea.
I have one more thing to add to the “I Can’t Promise” post:
Sunda, I can’t promise that we won’t see a snake or two. But, I CAN promise that I will absolutely BELIEVE you when you say that you see one.
Thanks Sunda-girl, it would have been no fun nursing your dad through a cobra bite. And I’m glad we remembered to give him those Nerf sunglasses of yours. Putting a grown man in a headlock and flushing his eyes out with milk while he shrieks in pain would not have been my idea of a Valentine’s Day date.